Marriage Builder: Summary tips for the ART OF LISTENING

I hope everyone is well.  I wanted to post a summary of tips for the art of listening which has to do with quality conversation.  These tips are from the book, "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman.

1. Maintain eye contact when you spouse is talking.  That keeps your mind from wandering and lets your spouse know that he/she has your full attention.
2. Don't listen to your spouse and do something at the same time.  Remember, quality time requires you undivided attention.  If you are doing something and not able to turn away from it immediately, be truthful and tell your spouse.  Ask them to give you ten minutes or so to finish up with what you are doing, most spouses will respect that request.
3. Listen for feelings.  You should ask yourself, "What emotion is my spouse experiencing?"  When you think you have the answer, confirm it by saying something like, " It sounds like to me you are feeling disappointed because I forgot to __________."  When you do this, give a chance to clarify.
4. Observe body language.  Clenched fists, trembling hands, tears, furrowed brows, and eye movement can give you clues as to how they may be feeling.  When you see any of these body language, ask for clarification of what they are feeling.
5. Refuse to interrupt.  Research has shown that the average person listens for only seventeen seconds before interrupting and interjecting his/her own ideas.  Remember your goal is discover your spouse's thoughts and feelings not to defend yourself and set them straight. It is to understand them.

God Bless and continue to pray for your marriage!

Denise

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Marriage Builder: The five love languages part 2 of 5

Quality Time  


The second love language I want to talk about is "Quality Time".  Most of us ladies love that have that quality time with our spouses.  What is quality time?  Quality time is when you give your undivided attention to someone else and that doesn't mean sitting on the couch and watching T.V. together.  It means looking at each other while talking ( not gazing elsewhere when talking to each other)  when you are having dinner or taking a walk together without distractions.

Today I will talk about "Togetherness" which is one of the parts of quality time.  Togetherness has to do with focused attention, which means when we are doing something together, we are giving our full attention to the other person.  Talking to your spouse and watching T.V., cooking, or doing something else at the same time, shows that our spouse doesn't have our full attention.  But when you are doing something together like playing a game together, if it is genuine quality time, the focus is that you are spending time together and not on the game.  When the focus is spending time together not on the activity itself you're involving yourselves on an emotional level.

I hope you enjoyed reading this and would like your input.  The next blog will be the 2nd part of "quality time", which will be "Quality Conversation"

This blog is based on the book, "The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts" by Gary Chapman.  His book goes into much more detail you should buy it!!

Remember you marriage is important, God created it so work on it!!

Love you guys!

Denise

Other great books on marriage you should buy:














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